I pride myself in keeping it 100 with my readers, so as much as I hate to admit it, I’ll be outright and confess on behalf of those of us who suffer from clingy ex-girlfriend syndrome, that we need to get it together and learn to let go! As I explicitly described in my last Love on the Brain post, my last relationship was a total and complete disaster. Extreme failure.
I would say that I am a great girlfriend, not going without saying that in every person there is always room for improvement, but I must say that I believe I do my best to be the best partner in any relationship I encounter. Yet after investing so much time and effort into building a bond with that sleezeball, even after it was over I still couldn’t let go.
This coming spring would make it four years since we broke up, yet it wasn’t until a couple months ago that I completely and officially let that shit go. It wasn’t so much that I needed to let him go, as much as I needed to let go of my love for him. Understand me correctly, I wasn’t the crazy nagging ex-girlfriend who wouldn’t leave her ex alone, it was more that I had a hard time letting go of the feelings I had for him. I was okay with him not being around, not hearing his voice, not feeling his touch; I was okay with him not loving me, but unfortunately, I still loved him. I wasn’t clinging on to him, I was clinging on to the warm, intoxicating feeling of loving someone.
I used to really be in my feelings for no reason! Thinking back now, I’m really judging myself like “What took you so long girl?”
Boys II Men rightly said it first, “it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” yet holding on to the past makes it so much harder to embrace and enjoy the present, not to mention the future. For every moment I spent loving the past was a missed opportunity to love the present; I could have spent loving myself, I could have spent learning about myself.
Thankfully I have discovered the key steps to letting go of those sweet, tingly feelings that keep us holding on far longer than we need to.
Step One | Cut off All Communication!
None of that let’s be friends b.s! Come on, if you’re still texting and face timing do you really think you’ll be able to fully move on? Communicating with an ex after you just broke up is like playing hide and seek with your own emotions, hiding from the truth and seeking validation. Not saying that you can never ever talk to him again, but in the initial stages you definitely need some space.
Step Two | Get Rid of Those Pictures!
In every relationship we eventually develop a collection of pictures. Delete every single one! You do not need to keep those late night nudies, cute selfies and cherished couple pics. Get over it! Delete them.
Step Three | No Social Media!
I know sometimes you might want to take a peak at his instagram or his snapchat stories to see what he’s been up to; what parties he’s been going to, what he had for lunch, to see if he has a new girlfriend… Why? You know that will upset things. You don’t need that stress sis. Blocked. When you’re sure of yourself again, unblock him and share the clapback!
Step Four | Get Busy!
Hit the gym, take a kickboxing class, take a cooking class, find a hobby, read books, take on more responsibilities at work, go back to school whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied. I know sometimes it’s easier to get a rebound to get over an ex, but I have to disagree. That just confuses things even more. Find constructive and meaningful outlets for all that passion and energy.
Step Five | Surround Yourself With Loved Ones!
As much as I wanted to spend all day in bed eating oreos and ice-cream and watching cheesy movies on netflix, I had to drag myself out of bed and get out the house. There’s something refreshing and revitalizing about the clarity of companionship, genuineness and honest friendship. Hit the movies with your bestie, go out dancing and have a good time with the people who really love and share in the interest of your well being.