Love on the Brain | Love on the App?

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Dating apps? Has it really come to this? Am I that deep under my rock that I have to resort to swiping through virtual perceptions of people instead of interacting with real ones the way “normal” people do? I can’t help but feel alien on this thing. Obviously I shouldn’t because there are tons of profiles to scrutinize, yet I can’t shake that feeling of queerness. Is it realistic to think that I can find a serious relationship or are these apps just a quick easy way to find casual hook ups.

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So there are options to describe what you’re looking for on the POF dating app;

  • hang out
  • long term
  • dating
  • friends

and then there’s another section describing your intent;

  • I’m looking for casual dating/No commitment
  • I want to date but nothing serious
  • I want a relationship
  • I’m putting in serious effort to find someone
  • I am serious and I want to find someone to marry

If I were to be honest I would say I’m in it for the long term because I am serious and I want to find someone to marry yet that seems so desperate and needy right? Am I overthinking this?

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I ended up selecting long term/I want a relationship but I still felt like the guys who messaged me were just interested in a one night stand, if long term, they probably just wanted a friend with benefits. I would think that they’d read my profile before messaging me to assume the likeliness of compatibility, but the majority of them would always end up asking “So what are you looking for?” That question was the red flag for me, clearly I spent time filling out this profile for a reason!

While most of the guys did appear to be just f%#k boys, I did come across a few decent, well-mannered, respectable men. Although they could just be putting up a front, I am doing my best to try to be a little more optimistic.

I was quite nervous but I still decided I’d dip my toes in the lady pond, although I had never been in a relationship with a woman, I have often experienced those sweaty palm, tingly feelings that I’ve swept under the rug for years. When again would I find a better, less revealing opportunity to flirt and meet women? I did notice that the women I’ve come across aren’t as forward as the guys. For ratio’s sake, I’d probably gotten ten messages from men for every one message from a woman. I am so used to guys pursuing me that I can’t seem to find what to say when I want to spark a conversation with another woman. It was very strange.

Over the past couple weeks swiping through “my matches” have become less and less queer. I have grown to actually find fun in browsing through this online dating buffet. I like some, skip some, reject some, ignore some, respond to some, I even had to put some guys in check who didn’t seem to know their place. It’s only been a week, I haven’t found anyone to meet up with in person yet, but it might not be long. I have been flirting with a few people, and even if they don’t work out, there is still more potential out there, just a swipe away.

The Daily Post | Anticipate

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You’d think that long distance relationships have become much easier with all the advances in communication technology. Think about it, before the convenience of Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or FaceTime, much of long distance romances depended on phone calls or emails and sometimes, it was only the simple hand written letter that kept love afloat. Much of the connections among millennials are being developed through double taps, likes, shares, retweets, follows and subscriptions.

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Admit it, being part of the ‘look at me’ generation has made it quite easy for knowing someone to resemble knowing of someone. It’s true, you might be able to get the gist of a persons character, values and ideals based on the content of their page but that’s only if they’re actually willing to be open and genuine. When you meet someone for the first time, in getting to know each other, do you find yourself curious about their social media? Do you become curious about their posts, who their friends are and who the friends of their friends are? What pictures they posted 3 or 4 years ago? Do you get the urge to dig up all the dirt you can possibly find through their unequivocal, impulsive posts? Has social media tricked us into being inquisitive about a person instead of being interested in them?

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We hardly ever leave room for anticipation anymore. We’d scroll through a person’s posts for a couple weeks and we’d think we know them. Instead, wouldn’t it be more nurturing to a genuine friendship if we’d take the time to learn about each other naturally? Maybe there is some correlation between the shortness of today’s relationships and the short span of time it takes to scroll through a persons life online. It’s the anticipation, the exciting beauty of suspense that holds our interest, which sets the perfect atmosphere for a relationship to flourish. Although social media may have alleviated a bit of the strain on long distance relationships, maybe social media is also the cause of the strain on long lasting relationships.

 

The Daily Post | Anticipate